Beautiful tornado.

admired your gorgeous beauty and incredible whirlwind spirit from a far for almost a year before you engulfed me within your cunning winds. I would never have had the confidence to enter such a whirlwind of a soul myself, due to my shy nature. But it seemed that my artistic visions captured your eye, enough for you to blink at me while waving goodbye. Enough for you to run to me with dreams of capturing the sky. I had never been so flattered in my life...

Although it was a more honest and sinister feeling why i never approached your beauty and so obvious power, i watched as your feminine ability left so many men financially devoured. It takes a tornado to know one. And nature conspired for us to be entangled in a whirlwind of life and work abroad, our fierce winds synchronized in a perfect rhythm complimenting each others strengths, round and round we used to go. Striving to reach a higher more successful plateau. The stunning glorious smile on your face, both of us not caring for the excelerated pace.

I discovered that you were so much more fragile yet giving then i had ever imagined. Your emotional spectrum was the wildest i had ever scene. You are an array of every emotion conceivable, embarking on chaos portrayed. Horrible moments of your past which had left your soul dismayed. Even though at times your ruthlessness ravaged my soul and left me empty and speechless, I never gave up hope that one day the eye of the storm would calm down, and settle down to the ground. Only for gorgeous pink tulips to grow up lusciously profound... Your words promised of such a day, but your actions eluded to a more tragic uncontrollable truth. A truth of cold and fury. You promised, and promised and promised... but it was all just an overlapping speech, that one day would fade away, so far far away...

You felt inspired by my massive soul, I was your winged dragon who controlled his paths in all directions, with a child's heart that refused to conform and never let go of his innocence... A dragon who's only weakness was his own heart. Flawed by giving traits when his path was unknown, to become overwhelmed when he felt he was loosing his thrown. I had the spirit that inspired you, the heart that reminded you of when you were young and passionate. I had the the missing section of your spirit that you needed so desperately at that moment in time. And i was so enthusiastically honored to give it all to you. I was so in love just being next to you. You made me feel like i could fly anywhere in the world. A partner in all aspects of love and war. A woman so incredibly powerful and full of kindness to the core.

We dreamed of having a larger more power whirlwind of success and happiness. We dreamed of our energies combining and soothing each others chaos for good, holding each other at night while our wild fires kindled silently like morning campfire wood. To the point of constant balance. I loved being part of your storm... I loved the way you would ask me to turn your upside. Your crushing hugs of endearment and spontaneous kisses, when we were working around. I loved flying through your winds of magnificent success. New paths which i had never flown before... holding you within my wings, while you breathed smoke and spoke of future dreams... feeling safe knowing how powerful we seemed. Including me in your eyes that gleamed... sub-conscience schemes...

But tragically It became so unfair the way you ripped at every aspect of my life and clawed at my kindness to relieve your inner sadness. With lecturing energies around you warning, to beware of your own actions. Especially after seduced me drunken from rivers of wine from which you drank. Unfair... for you to create such chaos and to expect the tides to simmer down to your liking, being that everything had to revolve around you at all time, or else verbally you would be striking... Not knowing of your own effects on everyone around you. Oblivious to your immense nature, a tornado destroys its path with no regret and keeps going onto a new direction... this is your affection. Telling yourself, its for your own protection.

Even at times claiming that i was being selfish, after the ride you took me on? Insulting because i tried harder then i had ever tried before to be strong, for you... when i knew you were so week. I gave you sympathy, to this day i carry all your dark secrets in my loyalty vault, desperately spreading the fault. Everything happened so fast with no time to halt. You did demonstrate moments of decency with apologizes that soothed me for a while, but then you would just recluse and storm away missing, hundreds of miles. Leaving dust in the wind. All i wanted was to be part of your life, all i wanted was to take away your anger. All i wanted was to give you your innocence back and to feel loved again. All i wanted was to untie your wrenched soul, and to finally achieve your ultimate goals. I was trying with all my might to pull you out of your emotional hole. I wanted to believe in you as much as you believed in me. Forever to be free... no more working slavery...

I lay baffled... I don't know how evil slithered its way up your blood line, in time i witnessed the result of the intertwined vines... You're innocent has endured so much evil which was not of your doing, a chaos of under-worldly brewing. You never deserved any lashings of the past... You never deserved to be thrown into the direction where you ended up at last. But i loved every single minute with you and i only wanted to embrace you and to grow with you forever. I felt honored that you had chosen me. I felt blessed that i was the only soul that could help you with all your needs. I would wake up courageous and look forward to our on going adventure. I wanted to create a perfect storm and for it to be in a constant motion together... I wanted to control the emotional weather.

But one day your energy shifted and you geared away from me, leaving my energy fragmented and corrupted... You would rather choose seclusion then inclusion. You would rather change paths immediately, then to stay and watch settle what was created. It seemed once again i was the fool to ever think that i was anything more then a temporary patch for a chaotic moment in time... I am the gullible wanna-be saviour, who flew into a storm thinking he could control the sky. My own heart being at fault again... wanting only to give you glory... but only seeing ever present pain. You can't see out side your winds, so no one else matters... who cares who gets shattered. Later on i noticed the ongoing pattern.

Moments of passion followed by shearing venomous pins. I am so sad that things have ended this way, faded away by lashings of separation and confusion... Both of us loosing our illusions. Leaving my current state in ruins. I am devastated that you winds could change so rapidly. At times admitting how much i meant to you, and other times hiding and refusing to admit any feelings at all. I wish you would have fought for our perfect world. I wish you would have put yourself in my skin for a while... and scene what i was aiming for. Scene how much my heart absolutely adored. Seeing that the inevitable aftermath would leave me floored.

You never meant to be a storm... you never meant to be this way... but this is the way it is... and in the end you have left my powerful winds fragmented and not even a fraction of how powerful they used to be... My energies are dispersed and random where they used to be fused and aligned, now ruffled instead of fine. Now angered instead on kind, Its easier to create a disaster then to stay and clean it up. You are even proud of your willingness to take control and to overwhelm, where no one else will. To command an entire overhaul, and to let loose and kill. Kind of a sick over abusive thrill...

So much of the current chaos was self induced... although you would rather complain and refuse to see the ever present truth. At times speaking in vain. Injecting me with every demon that you ever had, never ever dreaming that i would absorb them all like i did. You never thought i would care that much, you never thought i would have such a caressing touch. Sometimes you didn't care what you had caused, on other times you dried up and felt bad, resulting in a moment of sympathetic pause. One time you even wept at my written open emotions. Yet another timei witnessed you relishing, in the power of causing commotion.

The truth is that you left me alone curled up in tears more times then you think, you took me to the sky, then pulverized me through the ground and underneath the ocean to sink... And i just hope that one day your life would be calm like a south american sea shore in the evening. I wish your tornado would quietly make its path.... instead of causing chaos and disaster, smiling with a loved one bedside you. I don't ever wish any evil for your forecast of future. You gave me great happiness and honesty at times, and i'll never forget such kindness. But then things became so blurry... and my visions turned to blindness.

But it doesn't matter anymore... Because In your real world you don't even care, i was just an accidental victim that become immersed in a hurricane which pulled at his strengths until they lay drained... until my spirit lay maimed. It doesn't mater that i became mentally stained. But you still remain to be a beautiful tornado. Choosing your paths with unrelenting cycles you go. Your obsessive quest for procreation has left so many burned. You adored me then threw me away, when you came to a premature turn. Only an immediate resolution is for what you yearn... so who care who gets hurt... Who cares who was in the way... It doesn't matter, just don't cause delay.

At times i was your friend, other times i was your therapist, other times i was your lover, other times i was someone to yell at, other times i was the soul that inspired you, other times i was a person to hold at night, other times i was a working associate, other times i was your passionate partner, other times i was your simple minded idiot who had to be mothered, other times i was the understanding loyal mate who embraced your soul and accepted the truth... Then i became just nothing... You called me your angel once. You saw the passion in my eye fade away strained by the chaotic storm, my essence changed form. You redirected a ride home once just to give a kiss goodnight, your brilliant loving manor is why i always refused to let go of the fight.

I dream that one day you would wrap your winds around me again and tell me how much i meant to you and how much you appreciated everything i did for you. But you refuse to look back, you don't want to loose track. I would never have left you the way you left me. I could never live with myself knowing what i had done to another being, I would never run away fleeing. I ran to you always when you needed my strength. But when the tables had turned, you only needed to help your self and you left me to dry. You left my clouds storming and dark, with no more clear sky. You sent me your statements then disappeared, refusing to be in my sight or to look me in the eye.

And now my presence is only called upon when business is in order, any other reason you feel no need. So it rips at my soul when your piercing eyes stare right through me, not acknowledging any wrong doing, or what i meant to you... You warned me of you uneasy winds, so by your logic i am just as much at fault. Resulted in you pulled me close with one hand and slapped me away with the other... trapping me in limbo scared and smothered. It's easier to call me the dramatic sensitive one, when you are the one telling the short version of the story. It's easier to avoid and to leave, instead of consulting and to relieve. It's so simple to move away when you said that sub-consciencely you thought it would end that way. It didn't matter that my world had become engulfed in your winds... because you could leave at anytime time. No matter what... you would win...

One day the sun will rise again and there will be no more storms in the sky. One day i will tell myself it was o.k. that it was all just an overconsumed, self caring lie. Even though you were the only storm that ever calmed me down... The only storm that ever gave me the glory of seeing into the next phase of living. The perfect storm was a short dream... because it was a disaster waiting to climax. Your winds never intended to take so much, and i never intended to give so much. So one day you can't ever blame me for leaving if i do decide to leave you one day, you can't ever deny the reasons, or the lies that still stay. To this day... to this day... I never lied to you, i never hid anything from you. I always had the courage to confront you eye to eye... never to just message away feelings and then race away... hiding reasons in the skies.

We are both exactly the same... we are both anomalies, we don't make any sense how we look or what we do. The rest of society watches in awe of our powerful strengths. We survive with the constant need to overcome the results of the past, geared towards the need to get back what was stolen. We used to leave each other in amazement of how similar our identities were... and the bond which was unique in every passible way. I will always love your spirit and inner beauty, forever that will last. Even if sometimes i once again get lashed. You are just as passionate and loving as i have ever been or will ever be, You gave me to much credit. You choose to refuse to see how much beauty you still have inside your shell. I would rather absorb all your evil then for you to unleash it onto anyone else, because at least then i felt loved and special...

You never got the chance to see my wings spread to full potential. I was giving you all my power, because you were the more essential... You gave up on a man who has conquered every single quest that he had ever embarked on, achieved every single dream that he ever dreamed of, and who is a shear javelin of unaffected power. To be with you made me aim higher then i had ever aimed before. I always told you the truth about my heart, i was never ever a coward.

I wish it would had been another time... i wish the storm wasn't so sudden and malicious. I wish we could have enjoyed each other in a more calming motion, with no commotion, only honesty and devotion... I wish we could have united with ease and grown with each other, your soft rosy checks are the most beautiful thing i have ever felt... I wish you would come back one day and help me rebuilt the rubble that you left. I forgave you for all the fury, fore you have traveled paths which i will never understand... you went places that you never ever planned... So i would never be angry or judge you for the past clashes...

B ut i will never forgive you for the way you left... the insensitive ashes...
left behind... left behind.

It is such a shame that you don't ever want to return.
You would rather leave the bridge burned...

so i lay burned.