Pain Fuel

Don't be nice to me because I don't deserve it.
I need pain to fight back from... If I get vengeance one day then the
Journey will all go to waste.... And I need to die doing it, I need to die trying... I need people to know that I fought till the end... sleep is Irrelevant... happiness kills my dragon heart, and I need it to pump full of anger and to fight for what is needed in this world...

Do not be nice to me, because I wouldn't know how to react to it... Its ok my mother will understand... She knows me, and she raised me to be kind, so she will know that she did all she could do, but I cared too much... I was meant to be this way. I can alter but I can’t change... I need to be brought up and shot down, that’s when I come alive with vengeance to get back to where I was before... I was wild and free, my kindness is killing me... I can't hold back my soul, it was not meant to be held back... I am the definition of unleashed, I hold no emotion back… I wish everyone could pear into my swirling tornado of demanding emotions... I wish you could all fell my raging powers just for one second… I wish I could explode and expel what is in me to the world... I wish I could shatter into a trillion particles and absorb into everyone who was looking towards the sky… I do my best every second to entertain you all, and I apologize for every second that I toke to rest and to indulge in my sexual bullshit when it took away from what I was meant to do... I wish I could save all of you, I love you all, I would die for you all... Anyone who has ever dreamed with me... you deserve my soul, you deserve it all... I have covered all my wounds, and I shall continue to cover my wounds until there is nothing left, until I’m wasted... I’ll just burn out and then everyone will understand that I was out of control, no one will save me... It was not meant to be... I heard once that the body is easy to control, but the mind is difficult... I have learned so much, and I am better and more piercing in my attempts to stab those who need to die, those who poison everyone else with demons wrath...

One day I shall meet the one that started it all... one day I shall face off against him and he shall see what was created years past and mutated into the addicted monster before him... I saw it all coming, I know it was all meant to be... I never thought I would turn out like this, I thought I was Normal... I thought I was right, I didn’t know I had to change things... I Wish I could stop fighting, I wish I won the fight, but ill never win...

Stop being so nice to me, I don't deserve it and I wouldn't know how to React to it, vindication only lasts so long... I wasn't meant to be the good guy, or the bad guy, I was meant to fight for both sides and to meet in the middle, when will you all understand that?... never... I wish I could stop absorbing destiny and turn off my machine, but then I wouldn't know what to do, because she will never come… She will never save me… I wasn't meant to be saved, only tortured, didn’t you know that by now?

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